The Trifecta

According to dictionary.com, the definition of the word “trifecta” is a type of bet in horse races in which the bettor must select the first three finishers in exact order. On ESPN, Stuart Scott uses the word “trifecta” to describe a basketball player hitting a big three-point shot in a game. I have my own definition for “trifecta”, however. To me, a trifecta is doing the big three: getting married, having a kid and buying a home. While some of my friends are literally going head-to-head to see who can be the first to achieve a trifecta, others of us seem to be moving in the opposite direction.

Fewer things in life are more painful than watching a friend go for the trifecta when you aren’t even in the game. Each facet that they complete pushes them further and further from the lifestyle that you lead, and once they achieve the trifecta, you have so little in common with them that it can be nearly impossible to maintain a relationship. The reason for this radical swing in lifestyle is not the elements of the trifecta itself (wife, kid(s) and home), but what these elements do to a guy’s psyche. Wives, kids and homes destroy money, time and energy, which forces a guy to focus his attention away from things that used to be important to him. He then finds his Saturdays consumed with shopping sprees at Ikea and romantic comedies in the living room.

An expert on the adverse affects of the trifecta, Jeff Parker has been closely studying his male friends over the last 3 years. Below is an anecdote from a conversation we recently had on the world wide web regarding a movie script he is working on that is based on the concept of a trifecta:

The inspiration for the script is mainly about friends I have from high school and the rut they have gotten into during the prime of their lives. Too many people I know have this attitude that they have somehow lived this super-fulfilled life and it is time to settle down, which is BS, they have just given up because life is easier this way and they are lazy and would rather be unfulfilled and believe they are happy rather than take a risk or try to have fun. What's easier, working hard at an unknown future that may not work out or coming home from work and plopping down on the couch to watch baseball and do it all over again, then bitch and complain about stuff - right? You know what's up, I think it is when people get girlfriends (some good, some bad) that they get off track and get lazy and trick themselves into thinking they made it to the top of the mountain. I say NO! Take that girl with you and climb a bigger fucking mountain together!

I think it will end in tragedy when all is said and done.

Weddings....or Funerals?

A close friend of mine and I recently started a competition based on who can get invited to more weddings. You get 1 point for getting invited to a wedding, 2 points for being in the wedding party, and 3 points if you are best man. You don’t get any points if the person getting married is family or if you go as someone’s date. The competition ends when one of us gets married. The winner gets 50 wings and a bottle of Dom at Hooters.

I’m starting to think that we might want to start up a similar competition based on who can get invited to more funerals. We’re getting to the age where people are going to start dropping, let’s be honest. For every three weddings, there’s bound to be at least one funeral.

I was in Vegas a couple weekends ago and witnessed a funeral in the making, as one of our friends from high school officially moved to Vegas. It was quite an experience to be there when he got off the plane and sipped on his first cocktail at the bar as an official Vegas resident. We were just there to party for the weekend, and I kept laughing, patting him on the back and saying “You live here now, buddy.” What I saw in his eyes was fear. The booze, the drugs, the gambling, the women; it’s going to be too much. Who could handle that?

I give him 2 months. He’ll be dead by July.

Joshua Tree