Decisions

I believe life is all about decisions. You encounter a situation, you have two options, maybe three, maybe more. You then make a choice based on those options. Afterwards, you evaluate whether or not that choice was good or bad. Life consists of all different types of decisions, some on a large scale, some on a small scale. The choices you make determine what direction your life will go, a week later, a month later, a year later, 20 years later. Some people believe that we have a destiny and things happen for a reason. I would argue that decisions determine destiny.

I like to evaluate my decisions after I make them. I literally say to myself, ok Marc, that was a bad choice. Or, ok, that was a good choice, and here's why. It reinforces in my mind that decisions have consequences, and they should be evaluated at various stages of life.

The problem with decisions is that what seems like a good decision today might not be tomorrow. Decisions are constantly evolving. There are so many considerations when making a decision, it's mind-numbing to think about.

The worst is when a bad decision comes back to haunt you. When it rears its ugly head down the road and eats at your brain. Especially when it is a situation where you could have just as easily chosen the other option. And then you think, why the hell didn't I chose differently? It's not a good feeling.

I have drilled into my head the following: total independence, worldly experiences, trail-blazing. And I think at times it can be to my detriment. It's having a major affect on my decision making. I have this need to shake off anything that might stick, even if that thing is so amazingly great. It's foolish. It's immature. And if the world were a fair place, it would come back to haunt me.

"That is sweet of you to send me such a response. I believe that if you are horrified of commitment, and your independence is the most important thing in your life, you should move on. You are the kind of guy that isn't ready for a girlfriend like me. Or a girlfriend at all. You are Marc! Just go out and date, have fun, and meet different people around the world. Honestly, you letting such a especial girl like me go for not wanting to wait 3 months, is a proof that you aren't even close to be ready for commitment...and you aren't going to be in a couple of months when I get back...or anytime soon... You are just not that type of guy right now in your life...so enjoy that person and let a girl like me move on...maybe I'll find the love I crave. I don't open to many people, but I only do to a few hoping to find profund love one day. I am not looking to get married or anything ---I just did :)---...but I want to feel loved and appreciated. I like your company, and we had great times, and you are a good guy, but I want someone that can care for me and adore me sooooo much. I learned that wasn't you. I want to mean more to that person than just fun times, or the fact that he likes me. You don't want commitment and that is what I need. I have so much to deal in my life alone that what I crave is a guy to hold me tied and to know he isn't going anywhere...sometimes crying to my pillow at night gets old... I think that you should make yourself the question you made me and realize that since you aren't ready for what I want, is best for you to go ahead and move on...

With feelings and love,

L.M.A."

See you in hell, Johnny!

Well, it finally went down. Literally.

Soham and I jumped out of an airplane above Lake Elsinore, CA, one of the largest skydiving training facilities in the world. Soham had an Australian dude strapped to his back, and I had a Brazilian guy strapped to mine. They kept making jokes about Brokeback Mountain. Not what you need at 12,000 feet.

Intense experience, very surreal, the first two seconds are best.

Two other bizarre parts to the experience were the random beard on the guy in the video that explained how we are giving up our rights when we skydive (do Amish people skydive?), and also the fact that not only do you have to essentially sign your life away, but they make you read the statement out loud and sign while they videotape you.

Taking Potential As Far As You Can On Your Own

I was thinking about potential again recently. Living up to one's potential is important. Blazing your own trail, it's a good thing. But even if you push your potential as far as you can on your own, is the process really all that fun without a crew experiencing it with you?

I'll use some examples. I started a new basketball league tonight. I realized quickly that although I was in marathon shape as of a month ago, I am clearly not in basketball shape. I struggled getting up and down the court and didn't have the touch around the basket. But those things will come back to me with time, and I am confident that I could elevate my game back to the level it once was. I have the potential to be the guy whose squad runs the court for an entire Saturday morning at the rec center. The guy on the team that doesn't lose. If I tried hard enough, I could be that again.

But when I thought about the effort that it would take to get back to that level and what I would end up getting out of it, and I realized that it wouldn't be that fun unless I was kicking it out to Sundino for a three balls, and Dirty was diving on the floor to get rebounds. It just wouldn't.

I could also make better use of my guitar and vocal skills. Although I might not ever be in a famous band, I am confident I could be in a relatively successful band that plays shows around LA if I really became dedicated. But then I thought about it. Unless I am rocking out on power chords while TC is rifling through basslines next to me, and we are belting out songs about every girl we ever knew, then would I really enjoy it that much? I don't know if I would.

I moved to a new pad in Playa Del Rey. It's a big house close to the beach, and my roommates are all cool people. The party potential for this house is high; we've already had one big party and it was a big success. But honestly, unless Grayson is pouring sugar on partygoers with his Coolio record on the mantle in the background, I don't know if a party at my place in Playa could ever compare.

I have the potential to be extremely successful in life. At times, I feel like there isn't anything I can't do, and I feel like I have taken small steps in proving that. But who am I proving it to? Myself? Maybe. But maybe I'm not proving it to anyone. Because at the end of the day, it's not about individual success. It's about success with people, success with your crew, that's what makes the achievement rewarding.

And then again, maybe those interactions were for that place and for that time. It's different now, we're just meant to look back, then put our head down and charge ahead on our own. Because as Tom Petty said, "You can look back, babe, but it's best not to stare."

Questions for the week of April 27

1) I noticed a pair of sneakers hanging from a telephone wire earlier this week and it got me thinking, why do I always see sneakers hanging from telephone wires? Who is throwing them up there? And why?

It turns out that this act actually has a name: shoe tossing or shoe flinging. The urban legend explantions for why people do this include a way to section off gang territory, a way to locate a local crack house or a place where drugs are sold, to celebrate the last day of school, or to celebrate losing your virginity.

The problem is especially bad in south central LA where the Mayor setup a community program to remove shoes hanging from telephone wires.

2) Of all the things that a man looks for in a woman, I think I have figured out which one is most important. And no, believe it or not, I'm not going to say attractiveness, I think I have found something even more important!

A girl's laugh. It's the most important thing. Don't all of us guys just want a hot girl that laughs at all our jokes and boosts our ego? When we are laughing, it's the happiest time of our life. So how can we be with a girl if we dislike her laugh? How can we be with someone who, during the happiest times, we are the most annoyed with?

3) If a "big three" accomplishments in life were recording an album, writing a book, and directing a movie, which is the easiest and which is the hardest? I hope to accomplish all three someday, I have one completed, and am hoping to get started on #2 soon.

4) My all-male softball team frequently send emails back and forth regarding game times, game plans, and for general ball-busting. One guy on our team has been putting smiley faces at the end of his emails to the team, and it struck me as wrong. I had to call him out about it. I think he was just confused about the rules regarding email smiley faces. So let me make this clear. Under no circumstance should a straight man ever use a smiley face in an email or text message. I don't care what the circumstance is, if he is trying to be cute with a girl, if he is trying to show that he is joking to a friend; you just don't do it. Use a "ha, ha" instead to signify laughter or something clever, but please, do not use a smiley face. Especially a winking one.