Decisions

I believe life is all about decisions. You encounter a situation, you have two options, maybe three, maybe more. You then make a choice based on those options. Afterwards, you evaluate whether or not that choice was good or bad. Life consists of all different types of decisions, some on a large scale, some on a small scale. The choices you make determine what direction your life will go, a week later, a month later, a year later, 20 years later. Some people believe that we have a destiny and things happen for a reason. I would argue that decisions determine destiny.

I like to evaluate my decisions after I make them. I literally say to myself, ok Marc, that was a bad choice. Or, ok, that was a good choice, and here's why. It reinforces in my mind that decisions have consequences, and they should be evaluated at various stages of life.

The problem with decisions is that what seems like a good decision today might not be tomorrow. Decisions are constantly evolving. There are so many considerations when making a decision, it's mind-numbing to think about.

The worst is when a bad decision comes back to haunt you. When it rears its ugly head down the road and eats at your brain. Especially when it is a situation where you could have just as easily chosen the other option. And then you think, why the hell didn't I chose differently? It's not a good feeling.

I have drilled into my head the following: total independence, worldly experiences, trail-blazing. And I think at times it can be to my detriment. It's having a major affect on my decision making. I have this need to shake off anything that might stick, even if that thing is so amazingly great. It's foolish. It's immature. And if the world were a fair place, it would come back to haunt me.

"That is sweet of you to send me such a response. I believe that if you are horrified of commitment, and your independence is the most important thing in your life, you should move on. You are the kind of guy that isn't ready for a girlfriend like me. Or a girlfriend at all. You are Marc! Just go out and date, have fun, and meet different people around the world. Honestly, you letting such a especial girl like me go for not wanting to wait 3 months, is a proof that you aren't even close to be ready for commitment...and you aren't going to be in a couple of months when I get back...or anytime soon... You are just not that type of guy right now in your life...so enjoy that person and let a girl like me move on...maybe I'll find the love I crave. I don't open to many people, but I only do to a few hoping to find profund love one day. I am not looking to get married or anything ---I just did :)---...but I want to feel loved and appreciated. I like your company, and we had great times, and you are a good guy, but I want someone that can care for me and adore me sooooo much. I learned that wasn't you. I want to mean more to that person than just fun times, or the fact that he likes me. You don't want commitment and that is what I need. I have so much to deal in my life alone that what I crave is a guy to hold me tied and to know he isn't going anywhere...sometimes crying to my pillow at night gets old... I think that you should make yourself the question you made me and realize that since you aren't ready for what I want, is best for you to go ahead and move on...

With feelings and love,

L.M.A."