Dilemma

When I was back in Chicago for two weekends in April, I took a lot of pictures with a lot of different people. Ali was nice enough to send me a few pics from the night that her, Jackie, Davit and I went out for drinks and late night food. I put this picture of Ali and I on my fridge in LA; I rarely get hard copies of pictures sent to me and I liked this pic so I figured I would put it up.

On the one hand, its great to wake up every morning, go to the kitchen for a small glass of oj, and see yourself in a picture with a beautiful girl. The fact that there is a girl out there in the world that is this gorgeous and this sweet gets me jazzed for the day, to live, to breath fresh air, and to battle the obstacles that life presents. I'm a mover and a shaker, living life to its fullest, bada-bing bada-boom, hoody-hoooooooooo, downtown Freddy Brown, ball's in my court now bitch, maxin' and relaxin', I am a golden god, Billy's a bitch, and other uplifting, positive statements come to mind.

On the other hand, seeing this picture every morning has really started to wear on me. The great smile, the semi-cuddle; this beautiful girl isn't my property, she's just a girl I took a picture with. It's a facade, and the face of a girl that is this perfectly proportioned can make you weak in the knees, but can also make you want to take a baseball bat and smash it to pieces. You know what I mean. Like I want to play Dudrek Durby at Wolf's, teeing off on #9 at River Bend with your driver, swinging a knife like Davit playing Chucky at Juliana's, I'm gonna chop you up Wedding Singer style, like Henkelman beating up Little Billy in his driveway, like Jessie Holat crumbling a chair in 4th grade, and other destructive occurences come to mind.

So that's my dilemma this week. As of now the picture's still up.