Ask and You Shall Recieve

For those of you who don't know much about the infamous Scabby emails, I give you this brief introduction:

Freshman year of college, Hatfield and Scabbies roomed together in Slater Hall. At that time Scabbies was known for saying some pretty sick and perverted things. Over the course of that year Hatfield would try to remember those comments and send them to me in emails. I in turn, saved and printed off all but one of them (that one went too far even for Scabs). Now lately I have received numerous requests to have the Scabby emails posted. I have had mixed feelings about those requests. While some of the scabby emails are just immature fun, others have been described as Jeffrey Dahmer-esque. Nevertheless, on a few occasions Scabs has told me he was going to sign onto the blog and he still has failed to do so. The other day, I told him that I was going to start releasing the emails if he did not sign on, he threatened to kill me. After careful thought, I've decided to start releasing some of the less offensive ones to see what kind of response I get. If Scabs doesn't sign on or answers in a way I don't like, then I will hold less back. So here you go (I find that you have to read these as if you are telling a story, otherwise they may seem kind of flat; though even if they don't amuse you, at the very least you're going to get an insight into the scabby mind).

November 17th 2001

Scabbies and I were walking out of Hillcrest today and some girl walked by.

As she passed, Scabbies said to me, "Damn, did you see that ass? I'd love to bite it and let it bleed in my mouth."

I said, "Scabbies," like I was disapointed in him.

"I wanna draculize her," he said.

November 18th 2001

So, we're sitting in the hallway and this girl that likes Scabbies is sitting next to him.

There is a bunch of us out there singing pearl jam songs.

Then, some hot girl that was with one of the guys sits down next to us.

Scabbies turned and looked at me.

"Draculize" he said.

The girl had no idea what the kid was talking about.

February 3rd, 2002

Tonight at dinner I told Scabbies that he reminds me of a new born bird that has just hatched out of the egg. The type of bird that is really fluffy, squeaks, and has a layer of gooey shit all over it.

Then I asked Scabs what Billy reminds him of. He said that Billy reminds him of a cockroach after it has been eaten by a turtle, but not digested by the turtle. Just a cockroach with "gook" all over it, as he calls it.

He also said that Tc reminds him of a mushroom.

Then he told me that I remind him of Harriet Tubman's afterbirth.

When I questioned what afterbirth was, he said, "Come on, you don't know what afterbirth is?"

I guessed, "all that shit that comes out with the baby?"

He replied "yeah," like I was the ignorant one.

Comment and let me know if you want more of this kind of stuff.